Gravity Is A Curse

 The only thing that defeats gravity is a flat spot. OK I know. If it weren't for gravity I would spin off into space. Well, some will tell you I've been there all along. But other that the space thing, gravity is a curse. First I must preface that I am a bachelor. No house keeper other than myself.

The thing about gravity is that when you let go of something, it falls to the floor. Every time. Then without help from gravity, I have to bend over and pick it up. This requires effort. Especially if you are old (body broken) and or slothful. (which I am)

It is fairly easy to envision the outcome of this contest. Gravity wins every time. The only thing that defeats gravity is a flat spot. A flat spot for the uninitiated is any table, counter, piece of furniture, etc. I call it a flat spot syndrome. As I cruise through the house carrying what ever, I am sometimes challenged by only having two hands. This sometimes requires that I let loose of whatever I am carrying. It goes to ... you guessed it, the nearest flat spot.

These unnatural conditions create a mess on the floor as well as a place to lose things that are buried with other things on a flat spot. It is no wonder that bachelorhood is an unnatural state. I ask you, should I be required to stop what I'm doing, go home from the neighborhood bar and (shudder) clean house? No way, Jose.

I can see from one end of the house to the other. There is a distinct pathway leading to those areas necessary to navigate. Most of the time I know where my phone, computer and TV remote are. All important bases covered. As far as unpaid bills, forever buried under yesterday's Spokesman-Review are concerned, I save money by losing them. I may be in hog heaven. Oops, was that a Freudian slip?