Still Eligible

I have decided to throw my hat into the football recruiting process. actually, I am not a four star football. player, but I came in first in several chug-a-lug contests which should make me eligible for fraternity membership.

Back in the day, I used to be a fantastic sand lot player. My favorite position is tackling dummy, for which I excel..Hopefully, attending classes will not be an issue, since being beat up for two hours of practice every day would preclude my having any energy left for class room antics.

I have struggled with the choice of busing tables at KFC or playing football for a major university. I've heard that college football pays better, so here I go. My requirements include a signing bonus as I don't have enough money to visit your campus, even ... shudder, the University of  Idaho in Moscow.

I hope my age won't be a factor since I turn 75 next month. But look at the bright side. I have all four years of eligibility left. I would however, suggest you don't red shirt me as I may not live out my commitment. I also have an encyclopedic knowledge of the game, having spent years cussing referees and idiot coaches. Come to think about it, perhaps it would be better if we skippped my playing career and just took over coaching your program.

I look forward to your positive response and our future years ... well, perhaps months together as a major power.