WHEN YOU GET OLD

I just realized that some things, you do different when getting old. A few minutes ago, with my face full of computer, I thought I heard rain on the roof. So ... I call up accu- weather.  Now I could have just got up and opened the door, but I'm so used to weather forecasters that don't, that I emulated them by heading for on line weather.  It said it wasn't raining, so I ignored the sounds.

Then there are the trips to the refrigerator. I struggle up out of my recliner. Don't get addicted to those things. Ya can't get out once you have sunk into the bliss of one. I think it might be something like alcoholism. An afternoon nap is too much and  and a few minutes isn't enough. Living in a recliner is a bit restricting, yet the same amount of time spent free in the recliner as you might have spent in a bar is an amazing financial difference.Back to the refrigerator.

How many times have you got up, walked to the kitchen, peered into the fridge and can't remember why you got up, let along what you wanted in the fridge. I do this a lot. When I was a teen, it was a serious foraging trek. Now it is looking for something that is tasty. I spend over $150 per month at the store, fill my freezer, yet there doesn't seem to be anything good. Loss of appetite strikes too.  The only good thing about that is when you eat out, you can take the next day's meal home with you in a go box. That of course if you can afford to eat out.

When I was younger, my mail had all kinds of ads for pre-approved credit cards. No all I get is pre-rejected ones. My junk mail tends toward stuff like hearing aid ads, advertisements for assisited living, and of course the obligatory ads for Viagra, Cialis and stuff. First, any couple that are bathing in separate bathtubs, can't be very romantic. I'm not very good at throwing a football through a tire swing either. Besides, none of these pills find ladies for you.

Interest rates are interesting, too. When I was younger, a card with a $7000 limit was 7.5% interest. Now they proudly claim that regardless of the 25% interest rate, you get money back with every purchase. If people buy into that it's no wonder why they have to charge that much.

Mornings. To working people, mornings are a time of waking, drinking a quick cup of coffee and rushing out the door to work. This all happens before 7:00 am. To a retired person, mornings are a time to get up to pee. Then if you can, you roll over and go back to sleep. Morning, noon or night mean nothing other that when your favorite TV show are on.

My cable powered telephone can now call Mexico too. Free. Do I get a refund if I don't know anyone in Mexico? No. I think I do know people in Yuma and Phoenix, but they slyly go to my blog to find out what I'm up to  without having to talk to me.

Getting old is aches and strange pains in places you never found them before. Your body begins to deteriorate. I go to the doctor and complain about stuff. He kindly says, it's just getting old, Herb. I tell him I'm going to check in with him anyway, since I have no previous experience being old. The only thing good about my age is that I made it this far without expiring. There are those however, that will dispute that.

You see, once you are old, your opinions get clearer, truth is evident in your every thought and you become very wise and all knowing. Do you suppose that is why my phone never rings? Even from Mexico?