Sunday, November 28, 2010

The First Terrorists

The first terrorists that hit this country were the Pilgrims. Think about it. They were extremist Calvinists that put people in stocks and threw garbage at their faces as they lay there helpless. Even worst were the times that personal grudges would be settled by turning the enemy neighbor in to the religious police. Many were burned as witches. Not because they toiled and boiled or put curses on anybody, but because they were different.

Our country was not always a haven for religious tolerance, nor anything even close. The state of Maryland was at one time, ceded to Lord Baltimore, as a haven for Catholics. After England's King was denied permission to remarry, he promptly outlawed the Catholic church.

We just finished our Thanksgiving holiday which dates back to when our pilgrims landed near Plymouth Rock. The latest rumour is that it will be renamed "Dodge Rock," since the demise of Plymouth. Thanksgiving is celebrated for the act of our pilgrims stealing all the food they could carry from the Indians, then violating the endangered species act by wiping out every turkey within miles of the settlement.

John Alden was hired to bring Priscilla together with his buddy. He was the first pimp known to the new world. Folks, these people were nut cakes. They punished everyone that didn't toe the line politically. (Sounds like our current political parties, doesn't it.) Cozying up to John, she said, "Hey big fella, how about we take a roll in the hay our selves. To hell with your friend." They did.

Bundling was in vogue at the time. This was, as we still do, a way around our regulations against unmarried sex. So they would date, (it was cold in new England winters)Lying next to each other, covered with many quilts, they had a bundling board between them, apparently to keep them from coupling. Unfortunately, many of the bundlers were carpenters that knew their way around boards.

The bottom line here, is be careful about the historical events that you celebrate. The cause might not be as just as you might think. But then nobody in schools these days study anything other than cutting out turkeys and weird hats. Black hats, if you didn't notice.

Many people are up in arms against Christopher Columbus because he took slaves. The pilgrims on the other hand, made slaves out of their own people, then spread false dogma amongst the brethren. It's just a wonderful thing that it wasn't all wasted. You see, turkey is pretty tasty.

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